The future is alarmingly clear for 2012

I’m alarmed to see that my last post was a month ago.

Well, I have my excuses, which include Christmas and The New Year, plus a new client who needs nine two-hour and one three-hour modules written for The European Communication School. This is devouring the time I would usually spend blogging, and is rather messing up the first blog I’d planned for the year.

I thought I’d have a go at writing 12 Predictions For 2012, but it’s getting a bit late for that, so here are 10 Predictions instead..

I was having lunch with an old friend in The Rivington Grill just before Christmas when he asked me a surprising question.

“You’re an economist, aren’t you?” asked Andy White, a partner at CBW which had just been named the 2011 Mid Tier Accounting Firm of The Year at the new British Accountancy Awards.

I looked around nervously to see whom he was addressing, and then recalled that my degree does  indeed contain an element of economics, including economic history, the economics of developing countries, macroeconomics, microeconomics, and all points inbetween.

“Why is Greece so seriously in the shit, and what is going to happen?”

Surprisingly, I knew the answer.

The terms of trade are firmly, and, currently, irrevocably, against Greece, and will continue to be that way unless Greece starts selling large quantities of high value manufactured items. This is so because it takes a lake of olive oil and a mountain of feta cheese to buy a Porsche Cayenne.

If Greece still used the drachma, it could devalue, and thereby tilt the terms of trade back towards its favour. But it can’t. Not until it leaves the Euro.

In the middle of March, Greece has to make a bond repayment of €14.5 billion. There’s no chance of this happening. Bond-holders have refused to accept less than their due, gambling that their insurance policies will protect them. Further, Germany refuses to let the ECB pump more liquidity into the Greek economy.

So, here are my predictions:

1. Greece will fail to buy back the bonds in mid-March, 2012
2. This will lead to a Greek default
3. The drachmas, which De la Rue has already printed, will then be substituted for the Euro
4. The sensible course of action, which is for Spain, France and Italy to club together, and to tell Germany to forget about constitutional unity, will not happen
5. The UK will be blamed for everything, but won’t much care
6. Two new UK Acts of Parliament, The Fixed-Term Parliaments Act 2011, and The Referendum Act 2011, will stop any further transfer of sovereignty from Westminster to Brussels
7. Ireland will still need financial help from the UK, which will be provided without rancour
8. The Scots have been watching events, and have not forgotten Alex Salmond’s dscredited notion of Arc of Prosperity comprising Iceland, Scotland and Norway. Much though they’d like to be independent, the majority of Scots will vote against it, whenever the referendum is held, because they know they need the haven of UK’s financial strength
9. The Greek default will increase the pressure on all other EU countries as bond prices fall and yields soar, this pressure being greatest in Portugal
10. The Turks will not mention the possibility of joining the Euro for many years to come.

If anybody else has predictions on this subject, I’d love to hear them, please.

The basis of the scam

This is what he wrote:
“I received a call from a ‘representative’ of British Telecom, informing me that he was dis-connecting me because of an unpaid bill. He demanded payment immediately of £31.00 or it would be £118.00 to re-connect at a later date.
The guy wasn’t even fazed when I told him I was with Virgin Media, allegedlyVirgin Media have to pay BT a percentage for line rental!
I asked the guy’s name – he gave me the very English John Peacock with a very African accent, and a phone number.
The fellow realised I didn’t believe his story, so offered to demonstrate that he was from BT. I asked how, and he told me to hang up and try phoning someone – he would disconnect my phone to prevent this. AND HE DID !!
My phone was dead – no engaged tone, nothing – until he phoned me again.
Very pleased with himself, he asked if that was enough proof that he was with BT. I asked how the payment was to be made and he said credit card, there and then.
I said that I didn’t know how he’d done it, but I had absolutely no intention of paying him, I didn’t believe his name or that he worked for BT.
He hung up. I dialled 1471 – number withheld. I phoned his fictitious 0800 number – not recognised, so I phoned the Police to let them know. I wasn’t the first! It’s only just started apparently, but it is escalating.
Their advice was to let as many people as possible know about this scam. The fact that the phone does go off would probably convince some people it’s real, so please make as many friends and family aware of this as you can.
How is it done? This is good but not that clever. He gave the wrong number by one digit – it should have been 0800 800 152 which takes you through to BT Business.
The cutting of the line is very simple: he stays on the line with the mute button on so you can’t dial out – but he can hear you trying. This is because the person who initiates a call is the one to terminate it. When you stop trying he cuts off  the mute and immediately calls back.
You could almost be convinced!
The sad thing is that it is so simple that it will certainly fool the vulnerable. This is not about getting the cash as this would not get past merchant services – it is all about getting the credit card details which include the security number so that it can be used for large purchases.”
Andy ORPIN, Police Community Support Officer

John Truscott, Kay Kent, Steve Greensted

Twenty years after the events of 1988, I’m still not clear what Marilyn would have wanted me to do.

Should I publish or be silent?

The people in the photo are John Truscott, Kay Kent and me, but Kay thought she was Marilyn.

We did, too.

So, I’m going to write about the events of 1988 because of the recent theatrical release of the BBC”s movie, “My Week With Marilyn.”

In 1987, I was the Board Account Director at Gold Greenlees Trott (GGT) on Holsten Distributors Limited (HDL). The main brand was Holsten Pils, and the importation rights from Hamburg were shared by Watney Mann Truman Brewers and Holsten Brauerei GMBH. The marketing director at WTMB was Steve Dunn. Nigel Kenyon Kenyon Jones was the HDL Marketing Director. Both were outstanding clients.

GGT had been running a TV campaign based upon the movie, “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid.” The creative team would take a movie, chop it it up, insert a UK comic, Griff Rhys-Jones, and make a TV ad. They were cheap and easy to make, and the public loved them.

Then the creative team, Steve Henry and Axel Chaldecott, wrote a script which used footage of Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot.

“Pah!” we account handlers said. “Great idea, but we’ll never get permission.”

Steve and Ax remained obdurate, so we hired a fixer in Geneva, who spent a lot of money establishing that we would need permissions from Warner Brothers, Billy Wilder and Marilyn’s aunt. The fixer said to me, “Warner Brothers have never allowed any of their footage to be used in advertising. Never, ever! You haven’t a hope.”

I like this gentleman, Alan, greatly, but I also took it as a challenge.

So, we sent John Truscott to Hollywood to negotiate. It is no coincidence that his nick-name is “Trusty.”

A year later, 1988, we had all the necessary permissions, clearances, contracts and warranties in place. “Trusty” had delivered the goods. The director was to be Graham Rose, a gifted guitar player. Warner Bros were cheerful. Billy Wilder wished us the best of luck.

The inter-cutting between Griff and Marilyn required a body double for her, so we hired Kay Kent.

Kay lived in the east of London, and made her living from being a Marilyn look-alike. I got to know Kay fairly well, and liked her.

She was originally a brunette, but was now a platinum blonde. She had had surgery to give her the same shape as Monroe – I think one rib on either side was removed but I could be wrong – and she loved being Marilyn. Her voice as Marilyn was perfect.

After the commercial went on air, Kay/Marilyn, John and I went to sales-force conferences around the country. At one of these, when we were taking a short break, Kay said to me, “I don’t know what I’m going to do next.” She had an unsettling way of switching her voice between East London and being Marilyn.

Me: What’s the problem?

Kay: (East London accent) Everywhere I go, I get treated as if I really am Marilyn. I arrived at JFK recently and was mobbed.

Me: Well, milk it while you can.

Kay, now speaking as if she was Marilyn: But no-one will ever want a Marilyn who outlives the real Marilyn’s age.

Me: Kay. Listen. You are a terrific person, very clever and a great actress. You’ll think of something.

She looked at me and then looked away at the table cloth.

I thought no more about it until I read the news of Kay’s death the next year at the age of just twenty-five.

Kay had tried to tell me that she could not live beyond Marilyn’s age. I listened to her aunt on the Radio 4′s news, full of anguish and grief. I felt the same.

Marilyn or Kay?

What had happened was that Kay’s boyfriend, Dean Hammond, left Kay for a sixteen year old.

Kay behaved just as Marilyn did when JFK ditched her.

Kay took an overdose of drugs, and killed herself.

Later, I was sitting in an Italian restaurant in London’s St Martin’s Lane. I was waiting for Bob Stanners and Norman Icke to turn up. They were the best creatives at the time in Leo Burnett, London.

Four chaps on the table next to me, maybe structural engineers, were chatting.  I was mulling over a job offer at the time, the job being at a design agency.

I listened to their conversation.

Man 1: Hey! Did you see that Marilyn advert last night?

Man 2: Yeah! Great Hofmeister ad!!

Man 3: You prat! It was for Holsten.

Man 4: More Chianti, please!

Well, Ok.

I breathed deeply. Nigel was right. The branding could have been beefed up.

And, yes, no-one would ever have a conversation over lunch about Persil’s new pack design either, so I stayed in advertising.

But I wish I’d listened to Kay a little more closely.

She was deluded as Marilyn but great as Kay.

Finally, if you are related to Kay, and either want to add to this or to berate me, please go ahead. I’ll be happy to correct any factual errors.

And John Truscott?

He’s moved to California.

It's time to increase your entertaining budget

We were told that we were expensive and that we weren’t comparable with the other bids, which wasn’t surprising because the other five were all bricks and mortar agencies whereas we were a virtual agency.

The rules of the pitch precluded us being allowed to talk to anyone in the client’s procurement team. Further, we were only allowed to ask questions by email, the rules stating that our question and the client’s answer would then be circulated to all six competing teams.

We weren’t terribly happy about this because what we really needed was to talk to someone on the client side about what we had in mind.

I was therefore cheered up by a piece in the Financial Times by Tyler Brule last Saturday, 26 November 2011. This is an extract from “Up your entertaining budgets.”

Here’s what he wrote:

“2011 is the year to get in front of your clients and customers. Cheap marketing stunts like Quantas’ PR disaster, when it tried a Twitter campaign earlier this week, are an example of  why it’s important to not just rely on social media and why it’s valuable to invite customers for a nice lunch accompanied by a bottle of something that will put everyone at ease and make them feel valued. People want to share experiences in person…..the businesses that will weather the looming economic storm will be those that don’t rely on conference calls and Skype to maintain relationships.”

My experience is that strong relationships buy you time to sort things out when they’re going awry. Further, strong relationships engender trust, enabling you to sell better, braver work.

Early in 1994, I took Robert Fallows, the then Reebok UK marketing director, for lunch in the Fifth Floor restaurant in Harvey Nichols. Reebok had just signed Ryan Giggs to wear its football boots whilst playing for Manchester United.

I told Robert that we, Lowe Howard-Spink, had a great idea for a TV commercial, but didn’t know if it was technically possible. I asked him if, when he was a little boy, he had ever put together his dream soccer team.

“Of course!” he said, “and I still do!”

I explained that we wanted to put together a Manchester United dream team, and would use historic footage to show the team in action. We knew it would probably be wildly expensive, that the footage might not exist, and that the families of  featured dead Manchester United players might not be very keen on the idea. We wanted to put Giggs in a game which included, at a minimum, Denis Law, Sir Bobby Charlton and George Best. We’d try to get Kenneth Wolstenholme to do the commentary.

“Never mind the difficulties,” said Robert, who was an ex-British Army tank commander. “We simply have to do it.”

We hadn’t even reached the main course.

To see the result, click here. As it turned out, that lunch at Harvey Nichols was a bargain, and generated for Reebok a great deal of business. In this example, lunch really was serious business.

Munir Samji

So I asked if any of my gentle, creative and caring subscribers would help me write a simple slogan.

All two of you rushed me, one in New Zealand and the other in Wales.

By comparison, in the last week, my post, “The Original Shaggy Dog Story,” got 97 views, which is a bit dispiriting when my blog is supposed to be about digital marketing.

Anyway, Carl Sarney wrote from Auckland in New Zealand’s North Island, and sent me this:

Carl Sarney

“I enjoyed your ‘I need a slogan’ article. Between arriving back in New Zealand in February, and starting at DraftFCB in October, I also had a crack at freelance marketing consultancy (working on swimming pools, electric go karts and a brewery). I also found myself wanting for a simple explanation of ‘what do I do?

Just last weekend I found myself describing my job to someone as ‘like a clutch pedal delivering the raw power of industry to the gears of human decision-making as smoothly as possible’ …she didn’t really understand how a clutch pedal works however, so it was lost on her haha.”

Thanks, Carl. I rather liked it but I just couldn’t quite see Munir listening with a straight face.

Steve Dunn

Fortunately, Steve Dunn of  Williams Medical came sprinting across the finish line with the following:

“In your latest blog you ask for a snappy definition of what it is you do. Here is my attempt to synthesise one.

Firstly, you do lunch very well.

This is a key skill and has been honed by many years in client service. It’s a marketing tradition that needs to be protected as, in these trying times, lunch seems to be on the decline and we all need to work harder at protecting it; and socialising over an issue in a non-threatening environment is a good start to solving it.

Secondly, you listen to people. Nobody is listening these days; people tweet, text, blog and email; but the art of listening has been lost and with it the ability to understand the person and define the problem.  Consultants these days invent the problem they wish to solve without reference to the corporate consciousness; and so the wrong issue is attacked with the wrong weapons.

Thirdly, you teach. People generally have the answers to the problem they are confronting. They simply lack the ability to formalise it or the experience set to solve it. At our great age we have seen most of the mistakes people can make and made many of them ourselves. You lead people to the solution so they may see it for themselves.

So I think the strap line is easy to find; and no, it’s not ‘I teach people to have lunch’. It’s that you give people the confidence to take the right decisions with the right tools.

Let me know if you hit upon a better explanation, Steve.”

I am very happy with this apart from the bit about “at our great age.” He’s at least a year older than me.

And, yes, it’s true, I do teach people to have lunch. Where else are you and your client going to have an hour to discuss an issue and then come up with a big imaginative solution?

Finally, the Original Shaggy Dog Story worries me. Am I losing subscribers because I haven’t posted a joke for a while?

Here’s a bullet-proof gag.  The comedian was Bob Monkhouse:

“People laughed when I said I was going to be a comic. Well, they’re not laughing now.”

Jack Rubins and Nick Farley

On 22 September 2011, Jack Rubins, Nick Farley and I were sitting in one of the tiny, screened off, window alcoves of Elena’s L’Etoile in Charlotte Street, London. I worked with Jack and Nick at Osprey for a while, and loved every minute of it. They’re pictured to the left.

On the day depicted, the sun was shining brightly upon our table. Waiters worried about the temperature of our Pouilly Fume, and diligently took us through the menu. They needn’t have bothered. All three of us can recite the menu in our sleep.

The gentle torpor of the hour was suddenly ripped asunder. Kapow! Like the Spanish Inquisition whom nobody expects, it was Munir Samji. We would have leapt out of our chairs had there been any room.

Years ago, Munir had been the Financial Director at Saatchi and Saatchi, and was, rather later, Osprey’s Financial Director. He’s pretty cool.

Seizing an un-allotted glass, he poured himself a drink, slapped Jack and Nick on their backs as far as he could in the cramped and huddled circumstances of the tiny cubicle, and then asked me what I was doing now.

Where to start?

I burbled a bit, Munir’s eyes wandered, he drained his glass, waved a cheery goodbye, and went to the cubicle on the other side of the entrance.

Later, as the early afternoon started to float agreeably by, Munir stuck his head around our door again, and looked at me again.

“You still haven’t told me what you do.”

“I’ll write!” I replied.

Here’s the letter, with one or two clients disguised a bit.

“Dear Munir

I was very pleased to see you at Elena’s last week, and was sorry that I didn’t really have the opportunity to answer your question. You asked what I do.

The short answer is that I am a marketing consultant.

But, like all marketing consultants, of which there are a large number, I do more than that.

I teach digital marketing for The European Association of Communications Agencies School, which means teaching in places such as Warsaw, Kiev, Frankfurt, Paris, Barcelona, Istanbul, Copenhagen, Aarhus and Athens.

I’ve also recently been one half of an ad hoc team hired  this year to look at how well or badly alcoholic drinks suppliers are following the industry’s digital guidelines, which took six months. The key finding is that they’re doing well.

Finally, on the subject of digital, I have recently had Microsoft Italia as a digital client, which surprised me as it did them.

For my UK clients, which include The Fresh Media Group, Computer Precision, and Workman, I conduct research as part of my marketing consultancy. Specifically, the research covers three areas, and they are customer satisfaction, future clients, and failed pitches.

This latter area of research has also started to develop into an after-dinner speech based upon disastrous pitches I’ve either witnessed or which have been recounted to me. I’m going to be giving the talk to members of The Richmond Group early next month.

Finally, I have a PR client in Gloucestershire, specialising in ethical and green issues whose team I occasionally join as if I work for the agency.

The most recent outing in this role was triggered because no-one at the company had grown up on a farm, whereas I had. The glamorous issue concerned the safe management of bovine manure and slurry, about which I know rather more than I really need.

That said, I’m basically a marketing consultant.”

Munir, who now runs Blitz Communications, said, “Thanks. Simple really.”

Well, I’m now in the market for a simple slogan to encapsulate what I do. There’s no money in this.

But, if you’ve got an idea, I’d love to know.

stephen@thegreenstedconsultancy.co.uk

www.thegreenstedconsultancy.co.uk

Tom Dow

Every social chat I’ve had recently with either current or former advertising colleagues have been full of gloominess. For example, Tom Dow complained over lunch in Lemonia that advertising in the USA is all project work now. “This makes it impossible to build a relationship with a client any longer. You win the pitch, do the work, finish the project, and then see the client put out the next brief to pitch again.”

Julian Neuburger and Mike Townsin, both outstandingly successful media directors, deplored the lack of understanding amongst clients of what represents good value for money in media. “They just want it cheap,” said Julian as we sat in The Bleeding Heart Tavern. “We spend ridiculous amounts of time answering RFPs’ questions which are just irrelevant to the value we can generate for our clients.”

Andrew Levy, former planning director of Mustoes, told me over tapas in The Norfolk Arms that he’s retired, and that he’ll only do freelance if it’s fun, which means that he doesn’t do much freelance.

Nanette Young

And Nanette Young, managing director of Auld Scott and Company, and whose speciality is procurement, understandably takes the view that procurement is not going to go away, which she explained to me in The Prince of Wales.

I loved my time in advertising, but entirely understood when it was time to move on, and that time was 2003. I have been surprised, however, by the rate of change since then. When I left Euro RSCG, I knew several companies with marketing directors on their main boards, and I knew a lot of those marketing directors, too. Offhand, I can’t now think of any.

On 17 November, there’ll be a reunion in the Grace Bar, Great Windmill Street in London, for a bunch of former Leo Burnett colleagues. I worked for Burnett in both London and Chicago from 1979 to 1984, and I loved it. I worked on Cadbury, Memorex, Texas Instruments, Crosse and Blackwell, British Leyland and a bunch of other accounts, and I’m still friendly with several clients from that period. Because the work was enjoyable, clients and agency staff got on well with each other, which made it easy to sell and produce great work.

I’m a member of the Leo Burnett Alumni Association. It recently ran an amusing, ironic and all too true blog by Robert Fleming, who is the President/CEO of The eMarketing Association in The USA, which I have copied on to this blog. Scroll down and you’ll see it. The title is, “Social Media Has Ruined Marketing.” Has it?  He might be right. Here’s his five-point blog:

Social media has ruined marketing.

Robert Fleming

First of all I am old. How old, let’s just say I remember a time when Beatles music was not played in elevators. Therefore I remember fondly the “old days”. So I get a bit nostalgic thinking back on time when there was really just newspapers, TV, radio and direct mail as key advertising elements (ok billboards too). It was a great time here are 5 reasons why.

1. WE REALLY DIDN’T LISTEN TO CUSTOMERS – Ok we had focus groups, but we conducted a monologue with our customers. Not a dialogue. Customers couldn’t moan and groan about our poor customer service, or faulty products to the whole world. We could crush small business with the strength of budgets, not the quality of service and products. WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT – Because now small business can compete on a more level playing field, and the strength of your marketing does not necessarily have to rest with the size of your budget.

2. WE COULD USE EXPENSIVE COMPELLING CREATIVE FOR MAGAZINES, DIRECT MAIL AND OTHER MEDIA – Ok, there are still magazines and newspapers, but unless you have been living in a cave you have seen them get smaller and smaller. Direct mail is down substantially from a decade ago and the USPS will be bankrupt by December, without a government bailout. magazines are on iPads. Now we have text ads (little things), tiny banners, or 140 character tweets, social groups, fans and likes. WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT – Because now we have to get even more creative than ever, in the way we present our company, on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn (and other Internet media). We have a smaller canvas on the Internet and therefore must get much better with our brushes.

3. WE COULD MEASURE – With Nielson, Arbitron, ABC, and so on we could get reliable numbers that had been proven for decades. Today we are bombarded with statistics, but how much is necessary to make marketing decisions. WHY THIS IS IMPORTANT – Now we need to reduce our metrics to actionable and relevant statistics, instead of just pouring over data dumps.

4. WE COULD KEEP OUR JOBS – In the old days, in order to make your numbers and keep your job, all you had to do, is what you did before. With social media looming, and new technologies and devices appearing out of thin air, we do not have the historical data to ensure success. So we have to take chances. WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT – Because marketing is no longer “safe” – and the risks are higher than ever, but so are the rewards.

5. WE COULD DRINK MARTINIS AT LUNCH – Doesn’t seem like that’s being done much anymore. WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT – Because it was fun.

What will happen then?

Merkel and Papandreou

One of my blog’s readers, Cassandra Parkin, asked, “Are we doomed?”

As things stand, Chancellor Merkel and President Sarkozy will be meeting the Greek Prime Minister this afternoon in Cannes. This will not be a cheerful affair. President Sarkozy has publicly said that the referendum has come as a surprise to him. Chancellor Merkel, who is effectively Greece’s paymaster, is not famed for her sense of humour.

If the referendum goes ahead and the vote is No, there is a strong possibility of a disorderly default by Greece on its debts and a return to the drachma.

The knock-on effects would be swift. Italy and possibly Spain are likely to have to default as well. Portugal would probably be next, but Ireland might be safe.

The effect on the UK economy would be significant because 50% of our exports go to the EU, so, even though the UK is outside the Eurozone, the Greek default would trigger a series of events which would have a strongly deflationary effect on this side of the Channel.

Civilisations fail when people lose confidence. If you were a Roman and were thinking about building a bigger, better Colosseum, you’d delay building it indefinitely if you’d heard that the Visigoths were about to pay you a visit. Uncertainty kills civilisations.

Cassandra also wondered yesterday at the irony contained in the Greek predicament.

She wrote, “I suppose there’s a nice irony that the Greeks both invented, and are now destroying, modern civilisation as we know it.”

I first visited Athens in 1970. The city wasn’t in great shape. Most of the taxis were old and clapped out Mercedes-Benz saloons. There were horses and donkeys running in the streets. I’d caught The Hellas Express in Munich, and arrived at dawn in the Greek capital. The contrast between Munich and Athens was striking. Munich was wealthy.  Athens was not. A much closer parallel to Athens at the time was Dublin, which also had horses and donkeys in the streets.

The course I was teaching was Digital Marketing.

I was told to expect no more than twenty attendees, but closer to forty actually turned up. Quite a few of the attendees were heads of advertising agencies, and others were owners. I was aware that the atmosphere was a bit tense, but put that down to the problems I was having with the AV system which had stripped all my video links from my Powerpoint file.

At about 11.00, we broke for coffee. I needed this break to reinstall the video links, but most people, at first, stayed in their seats.

A lady called Pandora stood up and asked me what I thought about Greece’s economic difficulties. When you’ve been flown in from a distant land and are then the man with the microphone, people assume that you either know more or are cleverer than them. Or both.

I said that, when Sweden got into financial difficulties some years ago, the solution was 80:20. Eighty percent of the solution was to cut Government spending, and the remaining twenty percent was delivered through taxation.

“What this means for you,” I said, “is that you’re going to have to pay your taxes.”

The attendees gasped, and, in silence, filed out of the room to have their coffee break.

Ten minutes later, they were back. Pandora remained standing and said, “We’re not going to pay our taxes.”

I said, “Fine. It’s up to you. I’m just here to talk about digital marketing.”

Pandora stayed standing.

“We want you to understand why we are not going to pay our taxes. If we pay our taxes it will be totally unfair. We will be the only people in Greece paying taxes. The politicians, the civil servants and everyone else don’t pay their taxes, so why should we? We are not going to do it.”

The previous evening, I had wandered round Syntagma Square. I’ve been there many times, but hadn’t been there for five or six years. I was powerfully struck by the large number of expensive new cars, including many upmarket Mercedes saloons. The terms of trade between Germany and Greece are strongly in Germany’s favour. The Greeks have to export a large quantity of olive oil, feta cheese and honey to buy just one saloon from Stuttgart.

So, the way the Greeks have been buying expensive cars has been both to borrow and not to pay taxes.

This morning, the Greek Prime Minister announced plans for a referendum on the latest bailout agreement, probably to be held in January next year.

Storm clouds over the Acropolis

Reuters reported: “Prime Minister George Papandreou‘s shock decision to call a referendum on Greece’s bailout drew veiled threats from Germany on Tuesday and hammered markets edgy over the euro zone crisis.”

I doubt the Greeks will have the time to run this referendum. Why should the markets wait?

Currently, 60% of Greek voters are thought to oppose this latest bailout plan.The attitude of the Greeks is clear to all, just as Pandora made clear to me last year. The people are not going to pay their taxes, and they have some understandable reasons, but I doubt I’ll be invited back for another session on digital marketing. Greek advertising and digital marketing budgets are in decline, and will dry up altogether when the Greeks vote no.

The Richmond Group is run by David Corless, and it is a networking organisation. The topic would be on the subject of how to lose a pitch when you thought you were winning.

Alan Penson, Management Consultant

I have a number of these, and they include:

• How to lose a pitch when you thought you were winning
• How to do business with the Chinese
• How to survive doing business with foreigners
• What happens when project management fails
• How to work with procurement

We met in a room above the Lamb pub in Lamb’s Conduit Street in the evening of 20 October.

One of the stories I told the Group’s members was of a pitch disaster at Ogilvy in Canary Wharf. Owing to the failure by the whole account team to read the whole brief, the agency team went to Devon to pitch for the business, which was a cider, whilst the client team turned up at Ogilvy’s offices in Docklands.

This lit a smouldering fuse amongst my audience. Nanette Young, who does a lot of procurement work, said, “Nobody ever reads the brief,” which is largely my experience, too.

If you don’t read the brief you cannot answer the brief. And, if you can’t answer the brief, you can’t win the business. I don’t think I can make it any simpler.

As I continued with my talk, I started worrying about a pitch in which I was then involved. The pitch was for a project from a UK state-owned business. Let’s call it Money Pit. I can’t tell you who or what it is since I’ve signed an NDA.

I was part of a team which would be a virtual agency. We’d got onto the long list, and were about to submit our RFP to Money Pit’s procurement team. Almost at the last moment, we’d enlisted the help of Tina Fegent, a procurement specialist who, over a cup of coffee in a Liverpool Street hotel, had rendered the questions intelligible and answerable.

Out of six teams pitching, we came fourth. Money Pit chose to go with the top three.

During the chat with the members of The Richmond Group, I said that I thought marketing agencies should stop bleating about Procurement. This new branch of management is not going to go away, so it’s pointless moaning. The sensible course of action is to embrace the change, and become experts at answering Requests For Information (RFIs) and Requests for Proposals (RFPs). Most haven’t the foggiest idea how to do this.

It’s worth reminding ourselves that very few marketing clients now have their marketing directors sitting on their boards. There’s a good chance, though, that these boards will have the HR director, IT director and Procurement director as members.  I met my first on-the-board Procurement Director, the gentlemanly Lawrence Copeland, at Cadbury in, I think, 2001. I’ve met plenty more since then.

Anyway, I’ll be having lunch with Nanette Young on Friday, 28 October in The Prince of Wales in Putney. I’ll buy her lunch. In return, I’ll be hoping for advice on how a small organisation can pass Procurement’s scrutiny, and be given a crack at pitching for organisations like Money Pit. At present, the odds seem to favour larger companies.

If you have recent experience of dealing with Procurement in the context of a creative pitch, I’d love to hear from you, please.